Identity Crisis

From very first conversation when I met with someone, they will ask a common question: Which country you were from?

I got stuck at the first few times, I told them I am Malaysian, but living in New Zealand.  Then there are more questions about my identity, then I have to explain a little bit more why a Malaysian not living in Malaysia, but living in New Zealand as New Zealand permanent residence yet no a kiwi

Some of them seem understood my identity, some of them quite confused with how come a Malaysian not in Malaysia, yet living in New Zealand but not a New Zealander.

This identity question brought me a strike, who am I? I am Malaysian, that for sure, but why not living in Malaysia? I am not New Zealander but why living in New Zealand as a residence?

Yes, who am I? I believe many people have been asking this question, it is not just nationality issue, and it is also a personal identity issue.

Many immigrants has faced the same issue as mine, often we not trying to ask ourselves about this question, when only other whom just newly knew us, and wanting to know more about us, they will start to ask where is our original root.

This is a dilemma question to us, we knew where we are from, yet we are not living in the country where we were born. There are many reasons why we are not in our motherland, we were trying hard to set our feet in somewhere we can call my home and my land.

It may be not the place where we were born, it may be the place we were born; most important is where is the place we can call it home from the bottom of our heart?

Personally, I have no firm answer about it, as I don’t felt I am belongs to Malaysia since I left Malaysia for about 7 years, in these seven years, I have no contribution into this country so call my homeland. Yet I not even thought that New Zealand is the place where I can call it is my land at the moment, even I been living here for more than 4 years yet in side my heart, I am not yet being convicted that New Zealand will be a place I could call home. Where shall I go then?

I don’t know, and I have no answer. One thing I am sure, as a Christian; my identity very clear and firm, I am Jocelyn the daughter of God, created by Him according to His image, redeemed by the blood of Christ Jesus, and therefore I have a strong evident for my identity of child of God, with it I have no fear.

God allowed me born in Malaysia spent over 30 years there to search my life purpose, and to build a relationships with my Heavenly father, enjoy the love from my biology family as well as given me many best friends whom accompany me in my life journey as a soul journey companions. When come to my last breath, I will return to the Lord to enjoy my everlasting life. Child of God brought me this promise I could enter to the heaven with my heavenly father through Jesus Christ who dies on the cross for my sin.

Then He brought me to Australia to heal my wound, He allows me to spend 2 years time to received His healing to my life, He allowed me spent 3.5 years in Melbourne to study His word, sharpen my mind about who God is, strengthen my mind and ensure my future is at His hand, He will guide me till my last breath.

He allowed me to experience a serious bush fire happened in Melbourne, witness a facts: death will not separated the love of God, a missionary die on that tragic incident. Yet her death brought a good deed to her family.

Amazingly, He not planned to send me back to the country where I originally from, in fact He sent me to a country where everybody thought is a paradise of the world, New Zealand.

Living in New Zealand, I been through few large earthquake, it made me thought of community life circle is so much important, regardless who u are and where your from, during the disaster human being will be uniting together to protect each other. Together there’s no longer has racism issue, but care and love for the needy.

Really, we care about our own identity; as God does care for us too. His heart wants every one of us could really find our real identity for our life, But He is not just care about the citizenship of a country on the earth, He care about whether or not we have claimed the eternal identity from Him. He wants to give us an eternal identity willingly, not just a citizenship of a country, therefore He sent His one and only son Jesus come to the world, living a life just just like us but He has sinless yet he dies on the cross to pay the ransom for us, in order we as the creature of God, who could through Jesus found the firm identity which can bring us back to Him when we have live enough on the earth.

Imagine, if we are unsettle because we couldn’t find our identity on the earth, what will happen to you if you don’t get a chance to find an eternal identity?